First of all, I want to clarify that this blog is geared towards single women in their late twenties and up. If you're 19 or 20 years old and complaining that you're not married, you really need to put your perspectives in order and realize that you're too young to get married anyway. But if you are a frustrated single woman age 25+ and in a relationship that doesn't seem to be leading to marriage, then this blog is for you!!!!!!
My best friend (who is married) and I were having a wonderful conversation on this topic this afternoon. She told me that she's heard the marriage complaint from many women, including her hairdresser, that they can't find men that are marriage material. When I use the term "marriage material", I am referring to men that are at a good point in their lives but are still postponing marriage.
THE MAIN PROBLEM: MEN ARE NOT PROPOSING.
That's the gist of the situation, plain and simple. It's more of a problem in the Black community, where 70% of Black women over the age of 21 are not married. But in general, over 50% of all women of any race over the age of 21 are not married. That's the highest rate of single women ever recorded in our nation's history.
We were also talking about how men will be perfectly comfortable being in a long-term relationship with a woman they actually do love, but continuously give excuses for not getting married.
Common excuses include:
"I'm just not ready yet"
"I'm not at where I want to be in my life financially yet"
"I want to advance in my career"
"I want to buy a home first"
"Living together is the same thing as being married"
"All that matters is that we love each other"
AND THE INFAMOUS "MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER"
As we all know, these excuses are a bunch of bullshiznit. If a man tells you he's not ready yet, and you've only been dating for a few months, then that's reasonable. But if you've been dating this guy for six years and he's still feeding you this line, then it's just an excuse he's using to keep you around. He's NOT trying to marry you.
Secondly, marriage is financially beneficial for the both parties involved, and it will actually increase your chances of being able to buy a home much sooner than someone who must rely on their own income. DUH.
And the advancement in career crap? Puuuhhh leeeeeez. Most men our age have already chosen their career and lifestyle they want to lead. Marriage usually does not stop a man in advancing in his career, as most of the time the duties of child rearing rest on the shoulders of his spouse.
And the "MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER" is a horrible, conniving, excuse men give their women to try to convince them that marriage is not necessary. Marriage, to men who use this excuse, is obviously more than just a piece of paper or they would have been married by now.
Unfortunately, many men are getting so-called "wise advice" from the teachings of men like Tom Leykis, who preaches that men do not benefit from marriage in any way, shape, or form. But mind you, Mr. Leykis is a man who's had 4, yes 4, failed marriages. So I'm not even going to comment about the obvious as to why taking advice from such a man might lead to disastrous results.
I've been obsessing about this subject because I'm turning 30 this week and am scared to death that I'll never marry and have kids. Most of the women I know in this same situation HAVE NEVER EVEN BEEN PROPOSED TO, so it's not like we're a bunch of Oprah Winfreys who choose not to get married to protect our assets. We've simply have never even been given the opportunity to get married.
Another thing, I want to say is that I had a conversation with my dude, and he made this comment to me when I asked why he's 36 and not married:
"You know, a LOT of women have wanted to marry me!"
He then got insulted when I asked him "Why?", and went on to list aaaaaalllllllll these things that were wrong with the women he's gone out with in the past. None of the women he talked about stood out to me as being all that bad, and I told him that the women he's dated in the past were normal. At that moment I saw in him that he just has a problem with realizing that his shiznit DOES stink!!!
Men ARE aware that it's increasingly harder for women to get married these days, so they put themselves on some weird higher than thou pedestal and think to themselves that we're lucky to have them.
How about this: We're lucky to have each other.
I realized last year that I want to have children, but I refuse to be someone's "baby's momma". In the past, I've made WWWAAAAAAYYYY too many mistakes with men, so now I'm less willing to put up with mess and drama. I'm in it with someone for a year, if after that we're not talking about marriage, then I have to force myself to make the decision to leave. I have to. I feel as if I don't have a choice BUT to leave if I want to have kids one day!
I find it beneficial to have male friends to talk about this subject to. The funny thing is, MEN ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT US FOR THE EXACT OPPOSITE REASON! I've had many men MY AGE complain to me that they don't like going out with younger girls, but all the women their age want to get married. THIS IS A BAD THING TO THEM????
Yes, ladies, it's gotten to the point that men are actually COMPLAINING that we want to marry them.
I've explained to these men that they can't get mad at a woman for wanting to get married. The late 20's, early 30's is when a woman decides that she wants to have children. Our "biological clock starts ticking" and quite frankly, WE, AS WOMEN, WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH A MAN WE'RE MARRIED TO!!! DUH!!!
Men don't seem to understand our wanting to "rush into marriage" because they have a longer time allotment in which they can reproduce. As women, any pregnancy after the age of 35 is considered to be a high risk pregnancy. So that pretty much answers the question men ask as to why we're in such a hurry to get hitched.
And the thing about not "giving it up" before marriage? C'mon!!! Most men won't go out with you anymore if you don't put out. They see it as you not being interested in them. And quite frankly, men feel the need to have sex more that women do.
In most cases, if you DO decide not to put out, trust me . . .
. . . he's gonna get it from somewhere else and/or he's not gonna stick around.
So many women give sex so casually these days and have made it so that unmarried men always have the option of getting sex when they want it. I don't suggest that a woman should EVER sleep with a man in order to keep him around, I'm just stating the truth.
"I'm not at where I want to be in my life financially yet"
"I want to advance in my career"
"I want to buy a home first"
"Living together is the same thing as being married"
"All that matters is that we love each other"
AND THE INFAMOUS "MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER"
As we all know, these excuses are a bunch of bullshiznit. If a man tells you he's not ready yet, and you've only been dating for a few months, then that's reasonable. But if you've been dating this guy for six years and he's still feeding you this line, then it's just an excuse he's using to keep you around. He's NOT trying to marry you.
Secondly, marriage is financially beneficial for the both parties involved, and it will actually increase your chances of being able to buy a home much sooner than someone who must rely on their own income. DUH.
And the advancement in career crap? Puuuhhh leeeeeez. Most men our age have already chosen their career and lifestyle they want to lead. Marriage usually does not stop a man in advancing in his career, as most of the time the duties of child rearing rest on the shoulders of his spouse.
And the "MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER" is a horrible, conniving, excuse men give their women to try to convince them that marriage is not necessary. Marriage, to men who use this excuse, is obviously more than just a piece of paper or they would have been married by now.
Unfortunately, many men are getting so-called "wise advice" from the teachings of men like Tom Leykis, who preaches that men do not benefit from marriage in any way, shape, or form. But mind you, Mr. Leykis is a man who's had 4, yes 4, failed marriages. So I'm not even going to comment about the obvious as to why taking advice from such a man might lead to disastrous results.
I've been obsessing about this subject because I'm turning 30 this week and am scared to death that I'll never marry and have kids. Most of the women I know in this same situation HAVE NEVER EVEN BEEN PROPOSED TO, so it's not like we're a bunch of Oprah Winfreys who choose not to get married to protect our assets. We've simply have never even been given the opportunity to get married.
Another thing, I want to say is that I had a conversation with my dude, and he made this comment to me when I asked why he's 36 and not married:
"You know, a LOT of women have wanted to marry me!"
He then got insulted when I asked him "Why?", and went on to list aaaaaalllllllll these things that were wrong with the women he's gone out with in the past. None of the women he talked about stood out to me as being all that bad, and I told him that the women he's dated in the past were normal. At that moment I saw in him that he just has a problem with realizing that his shiznit DOES stink!!!
Men ARE aware that it's increasingly harder for women to get married these days, so they put themselves on some weird higher than thou pedestal and think to themselves that we're lucky to have them.
How about this: We're lucky to have each other.
I realized last year that I want to have children, but I refuse to be someone's "baby's momma". In the past, I've made WWWAAAAAAYYYY too many mistakes with men, so now I'm less willing to put up with mess and drama. I'm in it with someone for a year, if after that we're not talking about marriage, then I have to force myself to make the decision to leave. I have to. I feel as if I don't have a choice BUT to leave if I want to have kids one day!
I find it beneficial to have male friends to talk about this subject to. The funny thing is, MEN ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT US FOR THE EXACT OPPOSITE REASON! I've had many men MY AGE complain to me that they don't like going out with younger girls, but all the women their age want to get married. THIS IS A BAD THING TO THEM????
Yes, ladies, it's gotten to the point that men are actually COMPLAINING that we want to marry them.
I've explained to these men that they can't get mad at a woman for wanting to get married. The late 20's, early 30's is when a woman decides that she wants to have children. Our "biological clock starts ticking" and quite frankly, WE, AS WOMEN, WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH A MAN WE'RE MARRIED TO!!! DUH!!!
Men don't seem to understand our wanting to "rush into marriage" because they have a longer time allotment in which they can reproduce. As women, any pregnancy after the age of 35 is considered to be a high risk pregnancy. So that pretty much answers the question men ask as to why we're in such a hurry to get hitched.
And the thing about not "giving it up" before marriage? C'mon!!! Most men won't go out with you anymore if you don't put out. They see it as you not being interested in them. And quite frankly, men feel the need to have sex more that women do.
In most cases, if you DO decide not to put out, trust me . . .
. . . he's gonna get it from somewhere else and/or he's not gonna stick around.
So many women give sex so casually these days and have made it so that unmarried men always have the option of getting sex when they want it. I don't suggest that a woman should EVER sleep with a man in order to keep him around, I'm just stating the truth.
But in the end, it all boils down to this:
WHO WANTS TO MARRY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY YOU?? WHO WANTS TO MARRY SOMEONE YOU HAVE TO PRESSURE INTO MARRIAGE???
I'm not saying there's no good men out there. THERE ARE!! But too many of these good men ain't tryin' to marry nobody.
Food for thought. I would really appreciate your responses!!!
~ Lonsoleil :0)
Feel free to forward my rants to ladies you think would love to discuss this. :0)
WHO WANTS TO MARRY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY YOU?? WHO WANTS TO MARRY SOMEONE YOU HAVE TO PRESSURE INTO MARRIAGE???
I'm not saying there's no good men out there. THERE ARE!! But too many of these good men ain't tryin' to marry nobody.
Food for thought. I would really appreciate your responses!!!
~ Lonsoleil :0)
Feel free to forward my rants to ladies you think would love to discuss this. :0)
